“Inventory of Being”–Wren Dyer

2nd Place Poetry

I am Wren

I am seventeen years old

But I feel fifteen

I am a student, but against my will

I want to get a job

But my social anxiety stops me

 

Sometimes my eyes are blue-green

When it rains, they are the shade of the rainforest

My hair is a tangled mess

Dried out from hair dyes

But still chemically moisturized

My eyes are my best feature

Yet my ragged blond bangs hide them

 

I am no girlie-girl

But am not a tom-boy, either

I wear pants and leather jackets

With silk bows and flower hair pins

I have two ear piercings

But no tattoos (yet)

When I asked what I am, I reply a Goth

But I wish people would see me as cute

 

I am a free spirit

Trapped in a limited vessel

Put down by my own mind

Crushed by my darkened soul

 

I long to be happy

And to live out my dreams

But I’m drowning in depression

And dream of killing myself each day

 

I smile and pretend nothing is wrong

And scream internally

I protect my friends and break their harmful habits

But I always revert back to mine

I kiss their scars while making mine deeper

And cry myself to sleep, praying that they will be happier

 

I am barraged by headaches and many medical problems

More fragile than a flower, am I

People joke that I should be in bubble wrap

Little do they know, I have already tried

 

I want to be accepted

But am offended by peoples’ stupidity

I sit quietly, non-existent

Wishing someone would just say, “Hi.”

 

I am surrounded by rich people

But they are all empty

It pisses me off, seeing them each day

People are too self-absorbed, too stupid

And if natural selection could take its course

The population would drop dramatically

 

I like bats and crows

Not because they are morbid

But because they are cute and misunderstood

Like me

 

I hate going with the flow

Because the current drags me the other way

And I if don’t have a plan

I know it will be a messed-up day

 

Talking to people is scary

But I force myself to do it anyway

Hoping that someone will see

The possibility of finding a friend in me

 

I am a rebel and an anarchist

Who is scared to break the rules

I believe in equivalent exchange and God

But claim to be an atheist

 

My existence is meaningless

But I still strive to find meaning

I dream of being a contortionist

And of sleeping forever

I am trapped in a life, in a body

And I just want to rip out of it

 

I want to die

But am too scared to let go

I want to live

But living is too painful

 

My tears have all dried

From years upon years of crying

And no matter how much I wish it

I get scared when I think about dying

 

I am Wren

And this was my inventory of being for 2013